A Grand Disappointment

Last night the girls and I dined at the Grand Lux Cafe. A chain restaurant owned by the Cheesecake Factory folks, the interior reminded me of a restaurant in New Orleans, The Palace Cafe. Except everything here is faux. Floors made to 'look' like marble, fake Nouveau statues, awful light fixtures and stencils, 'wrought iron' furniture that looks like it came from Eurway and was reupholstered with a brothel's leftover fabric swatches, I can see how some people may be impressed with this colossus, but not me. Not even with the lights so low I could hardly read the menu.
The service was awful. We had this 17 year old nitwit who actually walked away from our table to go bus tub dive in sight (that's where someone eats untouched food from a plate cleared from a table and its not that uncommon but should not be done in sight of the diners). She messed up our order and was inappropriately informal in communicating with us. So what, no big deal, service can be hit or miss anywhere. As for the food, another miss. Unimaginative and incongruent with the settings, at least there were fewer selections than the Cheesecake Factory tome they call a menu. I had a mushy Mushroom burger that had very little taste. Our salads came out swimming in dressing. We ordered the specialty deserts that require 30 minutes to prepare. I got the pineapple upside down cake. Okay, don't kid yourself people. If the two little cakes that came out on my plate had been in even a slow oven for 30 minutes they would have been burnt to a crisp. I do not believe for a second that these were truly baked from scratch when I ordered them. And they didn't even come with ice cream, as the menu promised. So I just got two rounds of candied pineapple with a kinda dry cakey mound underneath. Tasty enough, but overall disappointing and for $22 for an entree and dessert (water only and with tip, and I got a lesser priced menu item) utterly not worth it. My advice, go across the street to Grotto for much better food in the same price range.

Notes on Having A Grown Up Job

Having a grown up job can be cool. It can also suck balls. From February to August of this year I had a grown up job that sucked balls. I worked super long hours, was stressed out all the time, got paid very little, took a lot of bs from both coworkers and clients, and suffered the consequences - its effect on my personal life and sanity.

Then in August I got a beyond awesome grown up job. I work with nice, interesting, hardworking people, get paid very well, have more than decent hours and to top it off, I get a Christmas Bonus!

I've never received a Christmas Bonus before in my whole life. I must tell you it's pretty damn sweet!

This year has been a rough one, but its also been good in some ways. Having the foundation of a steady job allows me to concentrate on other areas of my life that I would like to improve. Like getting my house in order, getting my fitness schedule in line and keeping my finances in the black. All of which I actually have time and capital to address. You know, now that I'm finally grown up. Or almost, or nearly, or on my way, or something.

Shut Yo Mouth

Giant Women who Think Alike: Kate and I have a lot in common these days - broke up with our boyfriends after 2 years, quit our jobs, moved to a new apartment, bought a new car, etc. Adds to all the things we already had in common - two cats, very tall, colored hair, pretending to be trannies, etc.

Friday Night Blues

Ain't goin' out tonight, no way no how. Wish I had someone to stay in with. Somehow Mr. Cary doesn't quite cut it.

Revelation

The small moments in the lives of ordinary people can be so fascinating. I spent the weekend back home, more specifically in my grandmother's hospital room, and listened as people poured in to spend one last afternoon reminiscing. They talked of people I had never heard of, or of distant relatives I vaguely knew, or brought up familiar names paired with a tidbit I had never known. This has happened before and I wished each time that I had some sort of recording device so that I could remember the details later, but I think the point is that these tiny glimmers of immortality erupt and immediately erode. They pass with the people who remember them, their only relic a tinted photograph of people who have lost their names and stories to time.

Big Game Hunting

Finally, a photo from our hunting trip, but I'm still waiting on the bulk of them from Lisa {ahem}. I took this one from Reimer's myspace page. And no, I am not pointing the gun at Kelly's head, the perspective of the camera is wierd and I think the person taking the photo was standing on the other mule and tilting the camera.

Fridays are Weird

I have a hard time concentrating on my work on Fridays. I'm having a hard time even concentrating on typing this post. I think it has something to do with the fact that I usually go out on Thursday nights, so I'm typically (at the very least) a tad hungover on Fridays. Then there's the fact that I don't want to get started on a project that I might not finish today and then have to wait two days until I can pick it up again because I might lose my train of thought and would then have to begin again. And lastly, Friday's are so ADD because of all the emailing, planning, etc that goes on in preparation for the weekend's festivities. There's always something going on in my world these days, I really wish I could have a weekend where I didn't have any social obligations and could just chill at the house, maybe sleep all day, do some much needed yard work, watch a bunch of movies or read a book, geez, I don't know when the last time was that I sat down and read all day long. Okay, that's my new goal, next weekend I am going to go sit at Empire all day long and just read a book. I have a new one I've been waiting to start, Fool on a Hill, so that will be my plan for Saturday. I'm so putting it on my calendar: Running in the morning (after I sleep in of course) then go home and start some laundry then head to Empire and camp out on the patio until it gets too dark to read, then hit the grocery and go home and cook something and watch Grey's Anatomy until I pass out. Or, I might read until it gets dark then go home and take a power nap and go out, if I'm feeling social. I guess I'll leave that option open. Wait a second, see, that's why I don't have any time for 'me' time, because I'm always thinking about going out. I'm so addicted to it, sometimes I even go to bars by myself, but its not the drinking so much as the weird, chance encounters that happen and make the night interesting. I run into people I know almost everywhere I go and I've always really loved that feeling of "even though its a big city its a small world". And I think I'm getting ready to start dating again. But maybe just a little. Or maybe not, I guess it depends on who's asking me out and how I feel that day. I've been having such a blast being a fab single gal lately that it almost seems a shame to tie me down again so soon. But I guess I need to remember that for most people dating doesn't mean getting tied down because you're not actually supposed to get serious with every person with whom you go out. Except I haven't really learned how not to do that so its something at which I'll have to work. Fast.

Healthier Diet, Healthier State of Mind?

I have to say that whether it be psychosomatic or real, I am definitely feeling happier and saner since I stopped eating meat. Could it be the absence of added hormones? Interesting....

There is nothing worse than a weak handshake

People with small hands have it tough, as I think its harder for them to give a proper 'how de do, lets shake hand'.

I just shook a carpet rep's hands and my cat gives a better paw shake than this dude. Poor guy. Maybe I could start a business where I teach people how to give proper hand shakes. Or maybe there's a way to invent a machine. It would be a robotic arm that would buzz you when you grabbed it in a wrong way. Think the game "Operation".

Brilliant Girl Strikes again!

I'm so Hungry

My stomach is growling. Badly. Ow.

We had our monthly company lunch meeting today and my boss picked up Antone's po-boys for everyone on his way back to the office from a morning meeting. Only he forgot to get any meatless choices. So I literally had pickles and a slice of cheese on bread with mayo and a diet coke for lunch. I haven't had any meat, wait that's a lie. I had a piece of very expensive prosciutto last week at a party and I nearly spat it out because it truly grossed me out. But I swallowed it because it would have been way rude to spit out a hunk of meat at a party. Even if I managed to do it daintily with a napkin or something.

I had a dream a few nights ago that I was cleaning up Thanksgiving dinner and a piece of ham dropped to the floor and I ate it before anyone saw it. Except I don't think that dream had to do with eating meat. I think it had another meaning, but I haven't figured it out yet.

Brilliant Girl Moves In, Gets Frustrated, Drinks a Beer and Goes to Bed

So I went to Home Depot and got the dryer vent last night. House didn't have a dryer vent, only a hole in the wall approximately the size and shape of a dryer vent. But I can't just vent the dryer exhaust into the walls (unless I want to catch the house on fire or attract mice) so I needed a vent with a hooded flap on the outside. So I got one, easy enough, only it didn't fit,and I cut my hand and broke it trying to make it fit.

So I moved on to the bathroom. I was going to move the curtain rod and then sand the wall and paint. Only when I moved the rod it pulled a chunk of wall out. A big chunk. So I had to patch that up and move on to something else.

I started putting boxes in their respective rooms.

Got the bedroom taped up for painting.

Took a shower with no curtain, cleaned up the water and went to bed.

Then the cats started fighting. Cary has decided to chase Gracie down until she lets him near her, and she's not having it.

Then the neighbors had people over and hung out in the backyard, but they weren't too loud until they went upstairs to have sex.

Okay, so that doesn't have much to do with the shape of the house, it just topped off a really frustrating night.

So I'm leaving it alone until next weekend. Not going to worry about the floors or unpacking or painting or organizing or cleaning or the yard or anything! And if I'm lucky I won't go completely mental between now and then.

My Favorite

Oh Boy! I'm about to leave the office to pick up my absolute favorite: Star Pizza.
Yum.

The ClothesHorse has a Reality Check

I have come to realize that cute old houses and great spacious closets do not often go together. I knew this before but chose to ignore it. And by ignoring it I have got myself into a pickle: I'm moving into an adorable older duplex this weekend with only two 2x4 closets.
Now, I only brought my summer clothes down with me from Austin because I knew I would have a place by the fall. My friend has a great big walk in closet in her guest bedroom, about 10 feet wide and two tiered. Just my summer clothes filled that closet. So what about my winter stuff? And all the clothes I need to buy to fill out the randomness of my wardrobe which I must admit has great single pieces that don't go with anything else I own.
I can hold off on the purchasing for a while (although I need need need some boots and something to wear with gray pants), but I can feel the necessity of a solution which may end up being aesthetically displeasing. I've started to think that I can turn one entire wall of the guest bedroom into an ugly clothing storage space, but something will have to eventually be done about that as the whole point of getting this place is to make it a really adorable place to come home to each night ( as long as I'm coming home alone, I might as well be able to enjoy it).
I need to find my camera so I can actually post some pictures of this place, then maybe benevolent blog readers would give me some tips on what to do with the space. I am admittedly not the best decorator but I've got some ideas I'm working with now and would like to be able to put up the photos. Oh well, I think I left it at Kate's house. Maybe if I had another purse to carry the camera in I wouldn't lose it....

Oh, and one more thing

I've decided to be a vegetarian. Ovo-Lacto and some Pesco.

Thinking about eating meat that comes from factory animals sicks me out, and the thing is that I didn't think about it before. Where I grew up, we slaughtered our own meat, and I never had a problem with it. But when I heard that pigs are often unstunned when they are dumped into vats of boiling water, thus drowning in boiling water, that was it. So if anything, I might eat beef or lamb on rare occasion, and probably only if I had it slaughtered myself, like I did with a lamb this year. Like my pal Kathleen says "sometimes you just wanna have a hamburger". But primarily its veggies and tofu and cheese for me. And I feel the opposite of sicked out about it.

Yes, I have been that busy

So much is going on these days I hardly have time to sleep let alone blog, but I have thought for some time that I needed to post an update so here it is.

Houston is treating me mighty fine. Its like I never left - I've fallen back so comfortably into a lifestyle I subconsciously missed. So many of the things I was feeling angst over have disappeared into the city crowds. And I haven't even been to the museum yet (although the current exhibit beckons me, it features fine jewelery through the ages)!

I still think about Joshua constantly, but most of the time now I'm angry instead of sad, so that's a step in the right direction.

I'm loving my job....finally! I work with a very cool, close group of designers who are intelligent and witty and have wholeheartedly welcomed me into the company, immediately making me feel integral and necessary. It doesn't hurt that my first week there I discovered the previous accountant had embezzled a large sum of money. We've pressed charges and a large part of my day involves working with the insurance company and the D.A. compiling evidence for the trial.

I move into my new place in the next few weeks. Its being made ready after being destroyed by the previous tenants. What an adventure this is going to be, as I'm not quite sure I haven't bitten off more than I can chew. Its a big apartment, maybe 1100 sq. ft., the bottom floor of a duplex, and I may have to put some work into to make it nice. But its in the Montrose, just 2 miles from work, 4 blocks from my pal Sarah's, 8 blocks from my university and the Menil. Perfect.

I have pictures I really want to post of my friend's Lisa and Kate and I going to San Saba dove hunting on Tara's ranch. About a mile from the house my brand new car got stuck in the mud up to the door and got mud all inside the car too. Fortunately, we were able to get it out and no damage appears to have been done and I was finally able to get all the mud out. Lisa has the photos on her camera and keeps forgetting to send them to me, but they're hilarious so I have to share.

Also, I've started running more frequently and went on a 5 mile run last Sunday night, which is about as far as I've managed to go at any one time. Kate wants me to run a 5k with her soon and I was like "no way can I run a 5k" and she was like "dude, its only 3 miles" and I said "whoa, I do that all the time"!

And finally, Mr. Cary has a sister now! Her name is Grace Kelly and she is a stray calico that wandered up to Kate's house. I gave up the dog idea even though I'm going to be living alone because a. the landlord didn't want to permit a dog and b. it was Josh who really wanted the dog and I was just going along with it because I loved him and wanted to bring him joy. So here's hoping the next man I meet is a cat lover, although I'm not that worried about because thinking about other men right now makes me ill. The girls have 'introduced' me to no less than 6 guys in the past two weeks and I just laugh and think "well, when I am ready I guess I'll have a pretty good selection". But not yet.

Who's Afraid of the Dark?

Well, me, actually. It took exactly 3 days of being alone in this big empty house for me to start freaking out at every little noise. Its so frustrating to be this way. Its one of my most embarrassing and yet unconquerable weaknesses. I get so sick of having so many irrational fears and yet even though I am aware of them I have a hard time suppressing them. For example, right now I am even afraid that as I sit here outside I will be bitten by a west nile infected mosquito and because I'm in the waiting period for my health insurance I may actually get sick. Then I have visions creep into my head of all of the complications brought about by this illness that doesn't exist.
I don't take baths because I am afraid of drowning.
I don't get in the ocean because I am afraid of sharks.
I won't live in an apartment complex because I am afraid of serial killers.
Every time my mother calls I have to answer the phone because i think she's calling to tell me someone has died.
I avoid long bridges because I am afraid they will collapse.
I don't like tall buildings because I think they will fall over.
I avoid flying because there's a slim chance the plane will crash.
I don't like gas stoves because I think they might explode.
I get so terrified at what might happen that sometimes it keeps me from living.
And that is truly ridiculous.

But I'm strong too, I mean I did quit my job and everything I had going in Austin and just moved to Houston. I think I should be allowed to be silly sometimes when I temper it with brave things.

Dear Monday, You Suck

This is what my desk typically looks like when I come back from each weekend. Having left it pristine on Friday, I always feel a little discouraged and overwhemled when I see the treats left to me haphazardly by my co-workers.
Thanks Team.
Wow, there is actually a small space left open in the bottom left hand corner, but actually that is where another stack of papers fell onto the floor :(

A Song for You

Here it is.
But why aren't there songs like this from a woman's perspective?

Thanks a lot Josh

The cat no longer wants to eat cat food. He only wants to eat people food. He never ate people food until you gave it to him. I need you to come make him eat cat food again.

Its a Secret

Things are getting very interesting, but I can't really talk about it yet. Don't want to jinx myself.

Temporary Escape

So instead of friends coming from Houston I went to Houston, and Mr. Cary went too.
What a blast! Shelley is an excellent hostess, got to eat Persian food, workout at the Houstonian, go to a night club in midtown. Only things I ran out of time for were shopping and laying out, but it was too cloudy for that anyway.
I really needed to get away for a weekend. It was nice to not think about how much I miss Josh for five seconds. That lasted through Saturday night, but while at the nightclub some guys were all trying to talk to me and get my #, etc, and I just felt so disgusted. They were nice, handsome boys and all I could think was ugh, get away from me creep.
Then Shelley made me watch the series finale of Dawson's Creek, which she is addicted to, so I cried the whole way home. But crying is good because it makes the hurt wear away more quickly.
I don't like to think of my love life in terms so tragic, but I feel like I'm running out of time. I feel cheated that my youth has been spent without a partner, that I am already nearing the point where celebrating a 50th anniversary will be physically impossible. Why is it that its okay to spend your whole life wishing to be an astronaut or a writer or a wrestler, but frowned upon if you wish and want to be in a long term relationship? To be a couple?
That doesn't make much sense to me, but I'm tired of thinking of it for now.

Sad Happy Sad

I'm going back and forth in my head. I'm trying to not place so much importance in the way I feel right now and just focus on me, on work, on health, on well-being, but I'm still on tear sodden ground and occasionally it falls away from me.
I'm almost to the part where it only sneaks up on me when I sleep, but geez, moving out of this apartment is obviously the next step. Too many damn memories.
I want to cherish them, not have them shoved down my throat everywhere I look.
Spending so much time at work helps now, because it keeps me from having to be at home. But its a habit I have to break soon, before I completely burn myself out and decide to quit or something.
Friends are coming to visit from Houston this weekend. That will be really nice. Maybe I'll finally get some sun :) I hear that sunshine helps elevate your mood....

Buy Me a Backyard

Wise Word

A whole stack of memories never equal one little hope.
Charles M. Schulz

Moving Forward

With life.
Why is it so hard?
Even though I agree this is the best considering the circumstances, I don't want to let go of the things I have helped build. It seems easy for others but for me it is impossible. Just when I start to think I feel better a wave of sadness hits me and I crumble again. I keep thinking this is just a big misunderstanding and everything will rectify itself. But two weeks have gone by with no contact and I know you don't think the same way about this. Isn't that just the root of the problem though...problem for me but maybe not for you. Because I have always been truthful about what I thought and what I wanted and what I wished for and what I planned on and what I dreamed about. Security. A family (without the children of course). A Future. Together. And Forever.
I spent some time with my grandmother this weekend and she was so sad. Sad because my grandfather died 15 years ago and she's be alone and soldiering on for this long and is tired with no reprieve in sight. I love her and it makes me so sad to be shown that ultimately this is how it is in life, and all we can do is to love on and to take all of the warmth and store it away for the cold times.
I have a lot of warmth right now. Warmth when I think about the wonderful times we had together. Warmth when I think about the way you smell when I wake up next to you. Warmth when I think about the way you make me giggle and then laugh uncontrollably. I have only good thoughts of you, despite the circumstances, and can only wish and hope and dream that whatever it is you couldn't find in me...well, that someday I could be that way so...or maybe that you can...or I don't know. I don't know if I want to wish you well or to wish me well.
I kinda feel like being mad at you but I can't quite. I'm trying to take store of what has been and what could and/or can be. To trust myself to be myself even when I think myself isn't good enough. Not enough to hold on to you. Not enough to satisfy me. Maybe this is just the thing I needed to come to terms with the uncertainty I felt about my purpose and goals...but why do life lessons have to be so hard to swallow?
Someday I know I will look back on this as a turning point in my life. Maybe you will look on it the same way.
Until then...well, until then, please know that I loved you completely. excuse me, i love you completely. period.
and thank you for everything

Step One

Mine

Advice from a Cell Phone

My horoscope this morning said

"If something is broken fix it right away and get on with your life".

So, my heart is broken, but I'm not sure how to fix it.

Everyone feels the same right?

I'm having an inward struggle lately. I can't quite figure out what I want to do with my time...now or in the future. It's a problem I recognize I've been struggling with for many many years, it just seems for some reason to be really important right now, as if: If i don't figure out what to do now I might waste the rest of my life doing the wrong thing or nothing.
I'm just not really sure what I want.
I know I want some sense of security and freedom from financial worry, but that seems like a somewhat short term goal. I don't really have any aspirations of grandeur so I'm really having the damndest time coming up with something for the "Someday".
There's no "big idea" or "top goal" for me.
All of my "goals" seem so little and insignificant.
Take my new year's resolutions for example: They pretty much sum up everything I'm working towards right now. So what happens when I achieve them? I make up another set of really doable short term goals?
Maybe a long term goal should be to come up with a long term goal.
I've talked sometimes about wanting to run a wellness facility, but not because its any big dream of mine but because I know I could do it and would enjoy working for myself, but to be quite honest I'm not that keen on the idea of owning my own business because of all of the trouble I know it brings.
I don't desire to be a parent. Period. And personally I think a lot of people in my situation right now choose that option as an alternative to coming up with something better.
Maybe that's why I feel so urgent and glum about this, but surely I'm too young for the ol' tick tock?
I do feel something like uniqueness (but in a bad way) about not having a "dream". And its not like I'm apathetic; I care passionately about a lot of things, just mostly in a philosophical way.
I guess my dream would be to share my opinions about things and get paid for it, but at the same time I have no desire to be a writer (obviously, or I might be a little more diligent about blogging as a start) nor do I wish to be a commentator or a debater or whatever else one may be in the opinions field. Because ultimately opinions have opposites, and both are usually equal. I read once that the truly wise know better than to argue their own opinions because the battle is lost by beginning.
Perhaps my goal should then simply to be truly wise. And never tell anyone about it.

Laying off the iTrain

Last night Josh says to me "Babe, you're working out too much, you don't want your arms to look like Cameron Diaz's"

What's so bad about that?

Okay, but the stomach is gross:

An iTunes weekend!

My boyfriend got me a new ipod!!!!!!
I'm in total shock and am blown away by his generosity and thoughtfulness.
So now comes the task of taking all my old music off my mini and transferring it to my sleek new nano (with Nike+ attachments!!!).
Problem solved easily enough.
Now I'm waiting for iTunes to import all the data and then me, being the type A gal that I am, will sit here for the rest of the weekend perfecting my library and making sure everything is spelled right and spaced right and at the right volume, etc.
I guess I may squeeze in time for a workout or two too.
Then I have a birthday party to go to tomorrow night and my friend Sarah is visiting from Houston tonight so I'm going to try to meet up with her.
Guess I should get going!

Catharsis

I feel a lot better today. About work I mean. I went to the ballet on Thursday night and it was a much needed dose of culture/art therapy. It made me feel much better about my job.
I'm still stuck though:
I can't figure out how to gracefully approach the fact that even working at a break neck pace, I'm not getting my work done in 40 hours a week. I don't think anyone could. Not working the unpaid overtime has only resulted in me missing deadlines, which makes me look worse, not better. Do I continue to put in overtime so that I make my deadlines, or do I keep missing my deadlines and look like I can't do the job? Its sticky.
Also, I'm not being reimbursed for mileage and I'm having to use my car quite a bit for various errands like going to the bank and post office.
I've approached my manager about it several times and his solution is to offer me alternate working hours and help from the other staff. Except that I feel like this is a non-solution because we're so busy I can't really not be here during regular office hours (not because I'm so indispensable but because we are short staffed). Also, the other people in this office are too busy to take time away from their primary functions to help me, so...
And that doesn't address the mileage issue either (maybe 15-20 dollars /week?)
ugh, what to do?
I'm just going to try that Secret hooey and put it out to the universe that I love my job, I make so much money, I have such a fulfilling and happy life.
I meet all of my deadlines and have time to spare.
I drive a new Prius so I don't have to worry about mileage reimbursements.
I am compensated more than fairly for my tremendous efforts.
I am blessed.
I hear that if you blog about it the universe hears you more rapidly ;)

I literally just threw up

That's how sick my job is making me. Yuk :(

I hate my job

Its official: My job is sucking the life from me.
It makes me nauseous.
I want to quit.
I cried all day because the stress has completely broken my spirit.
I'm tired of working overtime and not getting paid for it.
I'm tired of working overtime and not getting all of my work done because I spend so much time doing other people's work and picking up the slack for their lazy asses.
I'm tired of things trickling down to me from all levels because no on else has any follow through.
I want a new job.
I'll be in tomorrow and hope for the best.
I want to be positive about my situation, but every day I start out that way and within 30 minutes I'm completely zapped of all my positive rationales for why I keep showing up to be shat upon.
This is a nightmare.

The best website mashup ever?

I listened to a podcast today describing a website called netvibes.com as the best website ever. According to the reviewer, it made his life so much easier because because because. So I checked it out tonight. Definitely cool, but I'm not sure it would help me as much as someone like say my man because I don't really spend that much time online except for shopping, ebaying, and email.
The one thing it did lead me to realize is that its probably high time to stop using my yahoo email account and switch entirely to my gmail. Problem is that I've had the yahoo account since I was 19 and all these people have that address and not my gmail address, so its something I'll have to spend some time thinking about.
In the meantime, my new favorite thing is iTrain. I downloaded a workout from this website last week and tried it out on Saturday. Awesome! Just like working out with a trainer but way cheaper (around $4.99 for a 40 minute workout). I don't think it would work as well for people new to working out who may not be familiar with equipment and proper form, but since I've worked out with a trainer in the past and am pretty well versed on how not to injure myself doing exercises I think its really going to help me out with my current problem of not really having a plan or focus when I go to the gym. The workout led me through cardio and weights, counted all my reps for me, told me when to ramp it up and when to bring it down again, and basically kept changing up what I was doing so that I avoided boredom. Just what I've been looking for!

Long time no blog

I actually had time time to take a nap today which is allowing me to be up past my normal bedtime. Perfect time for blogging, as I've no patience for cleaning right now and that's what I really need to do.

I had a note in my calendar at the beginning of last month to check in with my NYR's. So far, I have not done a great job of keeping up with my friends, but I have done better about keeping in touch with my family. Except Mom called 4 or 5 times this last week because Dad had decided that he hadn't heard from me enough lately and so he was worried. I have been SO busy with work. Now, I don't mind working hard for my $$, but things feel just a little bit out of hand. I finally put my foot down about working unpaid overtime. Basically I'm not doing it anymore until they come up with some sort of additional compensation package for me. My employee housing allowance has made it through a second tier of approvals, but no word yet on when (or if) I'll be getting an apartment. Gosh, that would make things so much better. As I was thinking about this I realized that I haven't even been there 90 days yet. It feels like forever! My 90 day mark will be next Monday. That's not even 90 business days tough. Hmm, I wonder when that would be?? 6 weeks? I've made tons of progress. I can't help but think that the management company I work for might have lost this account if they hadn't found me. I now have almost all of the bills paid, most of the income straightened out, and am beginning to implement budget control measures. But each day I feel like I'm sprinting to finish all my work all day long, and I don't really like to think of keeping up that pace indefinitely. I think I'm going to try and start working one Sunday a month and taking off the Wednesday of that week. That will give me almost a full day with no interruptions to just focus on my paperwork.

The job has been an obstacle to my other goals: I am only able to make it to the gym once or twice per week, so I have not really lost any weight. I did go on Weight Watcher's with my mom (for support) and lost five pounds, but I found the system too tedious and the meetings awful so I quit. I gained back 3 of those pounds, but I'm pretty sure they're muscle, as I am now squeezing into a size 6 and fitting pretty comfortably into an 8. Last year at this time I was wearing a 12, so that's pretty good. My house has been okay clean except for right now when I think its the dirtiest its been in a month. Never being home helps with this. I'm hoping I'll get to move soon so I can skip the rest of the reno projects, but I don't have any extra cash to spend on house things right now anyway.

Which brings me to the one benefit the job has provided: I've been so busy I haven't had time to shop or go out to eat or go out with friends and therefore I've been socking away the dough. Not as much as I'd like or had calculated, but I'm getting closer and closer to liquidating my credit card debt, improving my credit and getting my PRIUS. I did have a bit of a setback last weekend as I had to go buy some hot weather work clothing. Its not going as quickly as I thought it would which is a little discouraging. I'm supposed to get a bonus this pay period for all the extra work I've been doing so that will help. I still have to buy a few more work clothes (boo!) but maybe my adding a weekend day will help with this.

Having off a weekday will be so great! Josh has Wednesday's off too so it will give us some extra time to spend together!
I've been in such a whir lately, my brain feels very rushed and unfocused. Its a result of all the stress I'm experiencing at work, but I guess that's why they call it work. Actually, I have managed to get myself into a not terribly desirable situation. But I am convinced that with some more extra effort now, on the front end, the pressure will slacken soon.
Tomorrow I am going to wear comfy shoes to work so that I can finally complete a reconnaissance mission I've been hoping to get to for weeks. It involves maps and parking spot/storage closet locations. And bags full of unmarked keys. Yay!

New Job Blues

Its been almost 2 months since the last time I posted. Primarily, this is because I'm working crazy hours at my new job, trying to fix four months of mistakes and laziness left by the previous 4 accountants who tried to do this job. Its Tuesday and I've already logged almost 24 hours. Let me repeat that: Its Tuesday and I've ALREADY worked almost (very near to) 24 hours. Now I know why they call it the 18 hour bra (although I don't own one).
I get Friday off which I"m excited about, but the day to day routine has really got to change or else. I haven't been to the gym, the grocery, the post office, the anything on even nearly a regular basis. I'm barely seeing Josh at all which is really making me sad. I haven't spent much time with Friends or Family and everything I manage to do feels obligatory and all I can think about is how much work I have to do. So, obviously not my idea of a great lifestyle. And these days I'm all about the quality of life. And its not up to par, so I guess I have to 'work' on that too.

Both Sad and Happy

I am sad that I am having to give up working on movies for the reality of having a steady income. I've been out of work for three months now and there are not even any rumors of movies or shows starting anytime soon. The good news is I may have already found a job. I still have to pass a background check but I've been offered a bookkeeping position at an upscale apartment complex. I'm pretty nervous about trying to settle into a corporate style job: it doesn't really suit my preferences, but having an income does and the company seems so far to be a good company to work for. I have met two of my supervisors and they are very nice and I think I will easily 'fit in' with the other employees. No more jeans at work though, which makes me sad. I'm also interested in the job and its duties and it seems like there may be some opportunity for advancement. I guess if it doesn't work out I can always go back to movies but in the meantime I'm really going to give this my best effort. Now I need to give my best effort in cleaning my house up a little. Yuck!

Is it Possible?

Since one of my goals this year is to buy a new car I've been trying to think of creative ways to raise the funds to do this. So far my best option has been Ebay. Right now I'm running an experiment. There is an item on ebay that I found at a Thrift store for $1.99. Listing it cost about another dollar. A similar item just sold on ebay for $97. I would only have to sell about 275 of these items on Ebay to raise the total funds needed for my car. Whether or not I could find 275 of these items in thrift stores is uncertain, also the selling price is uncertain. My experiment ends in 4 days, we'll see how it goes.

Cold Cold Cold

One little ice storm and Austin shuts down. I was supposed to go back to work today but they called this morning and said everyone is staying home, possibly until Wednesday afternoon.
This is fine by me. Even though I was glad to be going back to work today, I have lots of projects to do around the house that I usually don't get up early enough to work on. Now I just hope I don't tinker around on the computer all day and waste all of my time.

New Year's Resolutions: 2007

So, obviously one of my resolutions is not to keep up with this blog, otherwise I would have made this post much sooner.
My resolutions this year are both much more complicated and much more structured than in years past. It may seem like a lot but I think it is not too ambitious to at least attempt.

Resolutions '07

1. Improve Finanaces
-Create a budget and stick to it
-Pay off credit card debt
-Open a Roth IRA & Start saving for retirement
-Buy a Toyota Prius (maybe even a new one)
2. Remember Birthdays and Keep Up with Friends More Often (so far I'm not doing to0 well with this one)
3. Improve Personal Appearance
-Become more physically fit (goal measurements 36-28-38)
-Spend more time caring for hair, skin, nails & teeth
-Update & Improve wardrobe
4. Maintain a Clean and Organized Household
-Clean & Straighten house often
-Finish all renovation/remodeling/improvement projects

And that's it!
I'm halfway through January and only about 1% active on any of these goals. Okay, maybe 7%. I'll check back in a month or so with a progress report.

New Year:New Deal

Its 2007 already. I can't believe how quickly last year went by. Does each year speed up now until I shrivel up and die? I hope not.

I was checking over some of my resolutions from last year and the only one I really made was to give up smoking. I think I can say pretty confidently that I am no longer a smoker although I do still cheat every once in a while. What does that mean, I wonder? I did pick smoking up again pretty heavily while I was in West Texas but had given it up again by the time we came back to Austin. Now I restrict it to times when I am drinking with friends who also smoke, and even then I'm down from 10 cigarettes over the course of a night to more like 3. I have noticed that I don't get as tired in the middle of the day as I used to. Is this a result of my cessation? I don't know, but if I'm even partially as successful with this years' resolutions as last years then I'll be in great shape come 2008.

Josh and I just got back from a two week vacation in New Orleans. I had never been there before and Josh grew up there so it was nice to see the city from a somewhat native perspective.
The primary focus of our trip was FOOD. I've mentioned a million times before how Austin restaurants can't hold a candle to really good restaurants like you find in Houston and I can now include New Orleans restaurants in the higher regard reserved for such fine establishments as Star Pizza, Backstreet Cafe, and Barnaby's.

Star was our first stop, by the way, and in Josh's words it "lived up to its hype, somehow". The pizza and salad and dressing and everything was as good as I remember it being, if not better.

Once I get to describing New Orleans restaurants everything becomes a blur. I know that the first place we went, Domilisi's for Po-Boys, was not very good and was one of the dirtier places I've ever been in. Standout's for excellence include Irene's, Palace Cafe, Maspero's, R & O's, Adolfo's and of course Cafe du Monde, where I instantly became addicted to beignets and their mounds of snowy sugar. We also had an excellent Muffaletta at Central Grocery and yummy ginger creme brulee at Cafe East. There were a few disappointments, but overall I ate myself silly and gained 7 pounds in the short time we were there.

We had a really great vacation, but New Orleans is such a sad city. Bourbon street was boring to me (its just a bigger 6th street where you can take your drinks into the street with you and the bars don't close at 2am, big whoop). A year and a half after Hurricane Katrina prices are still gouged and trash and debris lies in every street, begging for some moderately industrious person to just come by and pick it up. We saw "Now Hiring" signs in the windows of almost every business we visited, and one restaurant we dined in had only 2 servers working despite a full dining area, probably a third or fourth of the needed staff. Having never been there before the storm, I don't know if things were always that way, but I can't help feeling a little disgusted. Meanwhile I hear stories of 'refugees' in Austin, San Antonio and Houston, turning middle class neighborhoods into slums and the coinciding rise in the crime rate (up to 40% in many areas, if not more). I don't mean to seem callous but seriously, enough already. My patience and sympathy with the situation are completely eroded. There are real victims, like Josh's grandparents who lost everything they had and whose home was reduced to its foundation and brick walls. At 84 and 89 they have relocated to a 2 bedroom apartment and have carried on with their lives as best they can. They are the one's that deserve additional help, not the countless hordes who sit front of their playstation's in some reduced rent apartment waiting for someone to come along and do the next step for them.

Whoa, so, on a lighter note...

I'm visiting my grandmother today and her health has improved so much since moving in with my mom, I'm so happy for her. I'm a little worried about my parent's though. Problems with my brother continue to grow and there's no hope in sight for them. I guess the only thing I can do is just stay out of their way and try to find a new job for the new year. I am very hopeful that another movie will start again this month. I have been hearing rumors of one for a few months but nothing concrete yet. If not, I will probably have to move or leave the business, but I'm not making any decisions this week.

I've got to leave soon to get back to Austin. I need to pick up my mail from the Post Office (I had it held while I was on vacation) and then I'm finishing up some laundry and going to the gym. Maybe later I'll get to watch a movie with my sweet boyfriend:)