Sunday, September 02, 2007

Who's Afraid of the Dark?

Well, me, actually. It took exactly 3 days of being alone in this big empty house for me to start freaking out at every little noise. Its so frustrating to be this way. Its one of my most embarrassing and yet unconquerable weaknesses. I get so sick of having so many irrational fears and yet even though I am aware of them I have a hard time suppressing them. For example, right now I am even afraid that as I sit here outside I will be bitten by a west nile infected mosquito and because I'm in the waiting period for my health insurance I may actually get sick. Then I have visions creep into my head of all of the complications brought about by this illness that doesn't exist.
I don't take baths because I am afraid of drowning.
I don't get in the ocean because I am afraid of sharks.
I won't live in an apartment complex because I am afraid of serial killers.
Every time my mother calls I have to answer the phone because i think she's calling to tell me someone has died.
I avoid long bridges because I am afraid they will collapse.
I don't like tall buildings because I think they will fall over.
I avoid flying because there's a slim chance the plane will crash.
I don't like gas stoves because I think they might explode.
I get so terrified at what might happen that sometimes it keeps me from living.
And that is truly ridiculous.

But I'm strong too, I mean I did quit my job and everything I had going in Austin and just moved to Houston. I think I should be allowed to be silly sometimes when I temper it with brave things.