New Orleans Partial Post

I am on vacation and g.d.it, I don't have time to blog. I am too busy living my frigging life, okay.
When I get home I will take the time to chronicle my trip. In the meantime, I'm having a great time!

Blogging Tired

Last night I was blogging tired. I'm not sure why I was so sleepy but I could barely keep my eyes open and my mind wasn't working as well as it usually does. I think that it must have something to do with when I come home to visit my folks.
My parents live in a teeny tiny little town in central Texas. Even though its only 2 hours from Austin, its so far removed from the rest of the world. Here people don't have computers, they don't use cell phones and they still write checks for everything. From the moment I arrive here everything starts to slow down. It drives me crazy and reminds me of all the reasons I had to get out of here as fast as I could when I was a kid.
Aside from the effects it has on me (and my metabolism...I eat 10X more food here because I'm so bored), living in this town has turned my parents into a couple of hermits. I can imagine them 30 years ago living in Dallas, going to parties and hanging out with friends. These days, my parents don't really have any friends, don't go to any social functions except their once monthly domino game, and have no clue what's going on in the world around them. They're just not exposed to it. I think I wrote about this last year around this time when I was trying to convince my dad that he and mom could be on the same cell phone plan and not have to pay two separate bills for each of their phones.
My main reason for coming home this week is to help my grandmother get settled into our house. She has been ill and the doctors finally told her it was time to go to a nursing home. Of course, she would have none of that so it was agreed that she would take over my brother's former room. I still think she's not that happy about it but this is an easier arrangement for my mom who will no longer have to take care of both houses.
Speaking of my brother, my enabler father has given him our lake house to live in. This makes me so f'ing mad. The lake house is supposed to belong to the family. With him there, no one else can use it. When he's done using it (read:when he goes to jail finally) it is doubtful that the place will be in any shape to be used by the family unless we invest major elbow grease cleaning it up. The last time I was there he had been the last one to use it and it took Josh and I a full day of cleaning to make it tolerable and even after that we didn't walk on the floor barefoot.
Last night I had half of an Ambien and slept like a corpse until 2pm today. I wanted to get up earlier and was a little frustrated with myself for being such a lazy bones. I'm going to aim for getting up early again tomorrow so I can finish organizing my mother's freezer. Today I reorganized the refrigerator and the pantry and although she wasn't pleased with me "messing up her system" I didn't care because both areas really needed some form of organization. My mom is one of those people who will buy something every time she goes to the store whether she needs it or not. The items she frequently buys are white chocolate candy coating, cream cheese and artichoke hearts. I'm only halfway done with the process and already have found no less than 10 packages of candy coating, 12 packages of cream cheese and 4 big jars of artichoke hearts. I also threw out a ton of stuff including spice jars I recognized from childhood.
I get so frustrated with my parents because they are crazy pack rats. There is no logic in some of the things they have squirrelled away and our house is becoming less of a home and more of a storage facility every time I come to visit. All of the drawers in my room have been filled by clothing outgrown by my family, games never played, bed linens and comforters from every decorating scheme used by my mother since we built the house in 1979, books and notepads from when I was in grade school, etc. These are just the areas I have access to, I shudder to think what lives in their closet or in my dad's office or in the attic.
Someday I will have to go through it all. For now I'm just going to help myself to another piece of pie and pretend its not there.

Movies I want to see

Among thousands of others:

Household Tips

It always suprises me when I come across a household tip that I never heard of before and that is so useful I wonder why I didn't think of it myself.
I just stumbled across this website that has such interesting tips as partially draining your hot water heater every couple of months to increase its energy efficiency and make sure your fan is spinning in the correct direction for the season. Okay, I had heard the fan thing before, but the hot water thing was completely new. And even though these aren't the traditional household cleaning tips (like using ketchup to clean brass plated metalwork) they are money saving tips that can still be put to use by modern girls like myself.

Throwing in the Towel, for Tonight

The dishwasher installation has reached a standstill. I can't mess with it anymore today. I started working on it at 11 am and its now 10pm. After having an impossible time trying to remove the old dishwasher (I had to pull of some of the tiles in the kitchen to get it out), the new dishwasher went in and was a piece of cake to hook up, but now the hot water shut off valve won't re-open: the threads are corroded and the bolt is too stripped to turn. I'll have to have the landlord shut off the main water inline tomorrow and then replace the entire valve unit, reattach the washer and then hope there are no leaks.
In a previous post I talked about one of the cons of my apartment was that the dishwasher was old and stinky and had a colony of roaches living in it. I talked with the landlord about this and he agreed that we should replace the dishwasher. I knew I could do it myself and offered to do so as an incentive for him to reimburse me for the materials. Same agreement went for the sink. I found a dishwasher on craigslist and a sink at home depot and was ready to go to town today until the hot water valve kinked my plans.
Meanwhile, my dishes are piling up and I really just want to be done with it. OVerall it has been a good experience. I knew I would be able to do it I just didn't realize how much trouble it would really be. Especially with the old dishwasher being blocked into the hole by poor construction. I haven't even started on the sink yet, I was waiting until I got the dishwasher running before I removed my only other means of cleaning my dishes. I guess I could wash them in the tub, but that sounds as gross as I'm sure it actually would be. By the time I'm done with the place its going to be a veritable palace. Probably this will happen a few weeks before I have to move out.

Shopping Queen Scores again

So I finally tanked my bank account. Pretty sad news for this unemployed gal. But I did manage to score on my last outing. I've been shopping on Ebay for a space saver toaster oven, you know, the kind that goes under the cabinet. Anyway, they go for like $40-$50 bucks on ebay because they're no longer in production. I was about to start bidding on some when I had a brilliant idea. I popped down to ThriftLand (Manchaca) and not only found one, I found two and they were $1.99 each! Of course I bought them both and now one is hanging beneath my glassware and one is about to go up for auction. I may have found a new way to make a little dough! And then I'll toast it.

The Last Ones

They bulldozed the rest of the trees today. BASTARDS.

Machine vs. Nature

This morning I was awakened by bulldozers tearing down a brake of trees behind my house. Obviously they are making way for some sort of new housing development. The sound of the wood cracking and splitting was gruesome. It was like the soundtrack of a horror movie. Thankfully, they seem to be leaving a small row of trees between my property and the tract behind it, but I wonder what happened to all the deer and racoons and other creatures that lived in that little wooded oasis here in the big city? I wonder if the contractor who is behind this development EVER stops to think about the life forms he displaces by his industry? I think that some people must justify that by saying "Oh, people are more important and we have to keep housing costs low enough to be affordable and so we have to continue to expand". I agree with that theory, but not the practice. Because why do we have to expand out? Why not up? Instead of all of these POS 2 and 3 floor apartment complexes why not have a 20 floor building with parking beneath and the housing above? They would of course need to be positioned and spaced so as to avoid the canyon effect. But then again maybe there's something I don't know about this type of housing...after all, I'm no expert on the subject and know very little about architecture and city planning in general. I'm glad they're starting to build these structures downtown but as yet they are not affordable housing. Hopefully if those are successful they will begin to copy the idea in other neighborhoods.

Recently I had an emergency internet need and was in the middle of nowhere Texas. I had to think fast and find a place with wireless. There was a Starbuck's an hour away, so I drove there to use the internet only to find out the service is provided by T-Mobile and costs $9.99 for a one time access (or you can subscribe for a monthly charge). I'm so used to every coffee shop in Austin offering free wireless that I was really shocked and irritated. Starbuck's has a high enough profit margin that they can well afford to offer this service free as well. I actually went so far as to write Starbuck's a letter of complaint (yes, I'm that woman) and they gave me a non-response.
Then I had heard about this coffee region thing in Ethiopia when NPR did a story on it. Basically, Ethiopia is trying to assign a system
similar to French Appelacians for wine to their coffee, in essence copyrighting their coffee and entitling them to a larger share of the profits (they currently make about 3 CENTS per cup of coffee sold).
Here's a link to the petetion to get Starbuck's attention. Until they can get their acts together, if you must have a frozen latte please visit a locally owned coffee shop. I guarantee you can find one just as tasty and they are often quicker and less expensive. In Austin, I love Epoch coffee on North Loop and in Houston Cafe Brazil is always a good bet.
I guess if you personally have stock in Starbuck's you might not agree with this. But then again, if you have stock in Starbuck's you're probably not reading this...
I have to say I'm getting pretty sick of my generation and their apathetic ways. The older generations are creating a huge mess for us that we're going to spend the rest of our lives cleaning up and dealing with, all because we are too busy shopping to vote or get involved in our communities. I have a friend who has been volunteering with me recently and all she can talk about is how her involvement with the organization has not resulted in a return on investment. I tried in vain to explain to her that wasn't quite the point.
I guess all I can do is keep trying to care for all of us and hope that it catches on.

House Hunting Continued

After deciding to stick with my current apartment and investing a small but pretty penny into improvements, I realize that ultimately the reason I may have such a hard time feeling satisfied and settled in the home that I have is because it is not my home, it is a space I rent from someone else and which ultimately I do not own. It is not permanent and I can not posses it.
Sadly, this is the plight of myself and so many other people I know. I've spent a lot of time researching purchasing a home and can find no way in which it is a viable option based on my current means. A friend of mine found a place a few blocks away from her that is in the $130,000 range. Its affordable because the backyard backs up to some train tracks that, although not a busy thoroughfare, is still in use. Even at that extremely low price, a 30 year mortgage would be something like $900 per month and would end up costing more like $330,000. Not to mention maintenance and property taxes. How do I get away from renting when the hard numbers prevent me from even entertaining the idea of this being a possibility for me? My current rental payment is a little over half of that amount, and it's essentially my comfortable ceiling. Add a car payment and student loans to that and even my *good* income gets stretched very thin.
I guess all I can do is continue to focus on my goals and also continue to research alternatives to the traditional mortgage path. Maybe I'll get really lucky and a relative I don't even know will leave me enough to buy whatever house I want. Ahhh, a girl can dream.

Trying to Be Professional

Okay, seriously, I get sick to death of all the actors out there who don't know how to be professional. This is the Entertainment INDUSTRY and being an actor is a JOB, it is not a right or a priviledge. I guess I was lucky in that when I was a model and an actor I received training on the business side of things from my agency, Page.713, which used to be Page Parkes Talent and I think has changed its name again. Now that I'm on the other side of the casting table, I see people come through with the most ridiculous attitudes and behaviors and everytime I want to just yell at them and tell them to stop and then throw them out on their ears. Our most recent project featured someone who not only was high maintenance, rude, and often late, but this person also tried to steal wardrobe from production and rolled their eyes at the director when he gave direction claiming "I know the character better than you do". Oh really? Because last time I checked the directors created the character, not you. Oh, and their performance, well, lets just say it wasn't star material.
So, to anyone out their in the talent field who may be wondering what it means to be a PROFESSIONAL actor, here's a few words of advice:

• Be On Time...In fact, be early.
• Be Polite...Those are not the 'little people' helping you put on your clothes, makeup, telling you where to stand, etc, those are your coworkers and without them you wouldn't have a role to fill. Also, you never know when that PA you snubbed is going to be the next huge director or producer who will never hire you because of your attitude.
• Know your lines. I myself am guilty of this one and can tell you from experience that it is disruptive to production and other actors and is something of which to be ashamed. Planning on improvising to be a more natural character is selfish and unrealistic. Know your lines first, be able to deliver them in the way the director desires and improvisation may fit later.
  
• Be Flexible...Things don't always go as planned. Don't throw a hissy if a schedule or location changes. Always have your cell phone on so you can be reached in the event of a change. (Side Note, if you want to be an actor you absolutely must have a cell phone)
  
• Take Direction...If you don't know how to take direction without getting line readings every five seconds, try another profession.
• And Finally: Don't make demands or expect special treatment...until you are an established star upon whom the movie is "banked" you have no leverage. Don't be an asshole. This includes thinking you will be able to keep wardrobe, props, jewelry, etc from production. Just because they belong to your character does not mean they belong to you. Often, production will need to keep those items in storage to ensure continuity in any possible reshoots. In low budget productions, lots of items will be returned to the store or to the person from whom they were borrowed. They are not yours unless someone offers them to you, and you shouldn't ask either. Its tacky.

Always Remember : You are extremely replaceable.
There's a lot of other things that bug me about the talent pool here in Austin, and it probably reads true for many other areas, but ultimately I really wanted to get this off my chest and was specifically asked not to write anything like the Lohan Letter so this is what I chose instead.

When Technology Works...Life Can Be Easier :)

I'm the type of person who geeks out over lots of things, especially technology. I get really excited when something works the way its supposed to and beside myself when somebody combines a series of steps into one simple thing that works. Case in Point: Google. Not only do they offer a good email system (gmail), but they incorporate that system with photo sharing and calendar creation through google calendar's and Picasa.

From Production St...

I'm jazzed today because I discovered that Picasa's web photos feature hosts your photos for myspace and blogs, so no more logging onto photobucket or kodak or hello or any of those other album sharing websites because you can invite anyone to view albums on your Picasa Web Album and it uses software you already have installed. Yay!

Housing Woes - Joys

I spent the beginning of this week looking for a new home as my friend Shannon and I were planning on moving in together at the end of November. Then, night before last, Shannon called me and said she was going to continue living with her ex(?) boyfriend Keith. I'm not sure if she is considering him still in the boyfriend light or just in the roommate light but either way I'm glad this came up now and not after we had already moved. Fortunately, my landlord had not received my move out notice yet and so I was able to rescind it.
This, however, brings me to an interesting conundrum. I have wanted to move out of my apartment for several months for the following reasons:
The foundation settled over the summer and there are now cracks in the walls and around the floorboards.
The air conditioner is not a very efficient model and so it stays very hot in the summer and very cold in the winter.
The dishwasher is an older model and it is somehow broken because it gets clogged up with food particles and these food particles get moldy and smelly.
There are now roaches living in my apartment. The dirty, nasty European kind. They hang out mostly in the dishwasher.
And perhaps the strongest reason to move...I live in the Ghetto and sometimes I worry about my safety.

The reasons I have not been able to move before and why I won't be able to move now boil down to one simple thing:
I can't afford anything else.
Sure, I could get a dinky little efficiency in a nice neighborhood somewhere, but then I'd be unhappy to be in such a cramped space. I could move into a huge apartment complex in the Arboretum area, but then I'd be annoyed by my hundreds of neighbors, the commute, and the boring floorplan.
So, I've decided to stay put and instead invest a little time, effort, and money into making my current home better. I think its the healthiest solution available at this time.
Not sure what all I'm going to do yet, but I'm sure it will be fabulous.

Post Production: Alright, Already

I think that it's Friday. I'm not sure and its hard to tell because when I'm not working its really hard for me to keep track of dates. I didn't even get out of bed until 6:30pm today which means my schedule will be wacked out for the next three days. The worst part of that is I missed early voting today which means I'll have to go next Tuesday with everyone else. I'm programming my phone to remind me or else I'll miss that too.
I've spent a lot of time this week trying to decide what the next steps are for me as a producer. We finished shooting the short last Friday and managed to get everything in those five days except for one little scene that will be picked up next Tuesday. I still can't believe how well the whole production went. I've wanted to produce a short and have tried twice unsuccessfully over the last two years, so when I began this project I assumed I would face a lot of the same problems I dealt with on previous attempts. I think it speaks loads about the merit of this project that none of the problems that have become hurdles in the past reared their heads.
We were able to raise almost enough money with minimul effort on our part. We've recently discovered a website called Revver which hosts content we provide (in our case, outtakes) and shares a portion of the revenue generated when viewers click on the advertisements at the end of the clip. Here's one of the outtakes:





This is a great discovery for us and has got Josh and Craig really excited about creating more content for the revver site. I've been trying to encourage them to submit Soft Shoe for a few smaller festivals as well in attempt to generate interest in our upcoming, as yet untitled, short. Since its already been available for viewing online for a few months, I don't see any point in premiering it at South By Southwest, which I think is their plan. I think it will detract from the excitement for the untitled short.
Aside from that, I'm having a hard time figuring out what my role as producer now entails. I'm working on thank you stuff for the various people who helped make the movie possible. Adrienne is working on the press kit. I guess I should just continue researching festivals and marketing/distribution opportunities. Oh, and I need to start planning our spring fundraiser.
I guess that's enough to keep me busy for now. I'm looking forward to going back to work already, I don't realy operate that well without some sort of structure to my day. Tonight I'm going to really push myself and try to finish cleaning my apartment.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one

Craig hasn't been blogging much lately either, and I know its because he's too busy working on the short, and I'm too busy working period, so that gives me my excuse. Finally got the dishes done last night, but then I cooked dinner tonight and made another mess...oh well.
I'm looking forward to this weekend. I've contacted several of my friends to really light the fires under their bums to get their garage sale donations to me asap. I'm going to spend Sat and Sun doing pickups and running other errands. I'm also looking forward to spending some time with my bud Shannon on Saturday morning. Its been too long since I've been able to hang out with her and she's always such a solid and inspiring person to be around so I'm hoping she'll give me that little nudge of creativity I need to figure out how to keep producing this short.
Truth be told, I'm really an ancillary member of this production team. With my current work status, unfortunately most of the work is falling on Josh, Craig, and Kimberly's shoulders. It seems like every time I take 15 minutes from my day to make phone calls and check emails, it turns into 45min to an hour, and then I've used up my lunch break and I'm stuck chowing down my soup at my desk, spilling it all over my papers. I'm starting to leave a little earlier each night, which I feel bad about, but I actually think its somewhat expected and that people are a little suprised I'm there as late as I am. I am super bummed I'm not able to be more involved. This is something I want to make a career of and if I can't get any experience then I'll never go anywhere with it. I did spend some time on this festival website tonight scoping out potential festivals to submit to, but I don't really understand the process yet and shit, we're not even 1/4 of the way done with our press kit materials and the movie isn't made and I need to go to sleep.

Cramming a week into a day

Its Monday today and I'm already wishing it was Friday. Thank goodness we brought a production coordinator, Kimberly, on to the project to do all the things I keep thinking "I need to do that" and just don't have time for. I came to the realization today that I'm probably not going to be around for the shooting of this short as I don't think I will be finished with my job by then. If I didn't need to sock some cash away for the upcoming dry months I wouldn't do it, and I'm really bummed I won't be there for the action, but...
At least things seem to be coming together more and more smoothly each day. We've raised some money and have secured our principal location. Kimberly found a casting space today that will let us use the place for free so casting will be next week. We're still trying to find a sound guy, and I have few more locations to find. Also, the amazing Caroline Karlen is coming on to do wardrobe and be our buyer and I couldn't be more thrilled because she is one of the few people I unconditionally trust to get the job done and on or underbudget to boot.
There just aren't enough hours in the day, and already I'm feeling the need to go to sleep.
But the dishes have been sitting dirty in the sink for over a week it seems and I fear they'll have to sit there a few days more. Oh well, someday there will be housekeepers. Keep hope alive.

The Joy of Production

First let me say that it is such a sweet luxury to have internet in my apartment now. Since my new job doesn't give me much time to do anything else (and I don't even sit at a desk with a computer...hell, I don't even sit at a real desk) its a great convenience to be able to come home and do all of my work from my kitchen table. That being said, I'm a little sad that I'm not able to complete more of my producer duties due to my work schedule. I just don't have the privacy to be making all the phone calls and do all the research I need to do. I'm afraid its going to put us behind schedule, but since we don't have a firm schedule yet, I guess that would be kinda hard to do.
Speaking of, I realized I need to update our PIF calendar and also my own calendar to reflect some appointments and engagements I recently made. Better do that now before I get completely fired!

First Official PIF Fundraiser

HELP US MAKE MOVIES!

HUGE GARAGE SALE

Saturday & Sunday

Oct 7-8, 8am-2pm

5210 Martin Ave 78751

We’re holding a garage sale to fund a new short film: A quirky character driven comedy about a greenhouse worker with a problematic girlfriend.

Many visual and performing arts such as ballet and theater rely on donations and fundraisers for the bulk of their operating funds.

Independent film is no different.

Money raised helps cover equipment and supply costs during our production.

No time to make the sale?
Donate online at:
www.myspace.com/PepperIslandFilms

Or by clicking

No Cash or Time?
Give us your spare junk so we can turn it into treasure.
We'll even pick up your donations!

For more information please contact us: PepperIslandFilms@gmail.com

THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT,

Joshua Krilov, Craig Elrod,

Megan Bertrang, and Adrienne Dawes

Yay! Back to Work Dears

Time to get serious about this blog thing. I've succumbed to the need to use myspace, primarily because I've become affiliated with Pepper Island Films and we're using myspace to promote our films and document our activities.
I've been so busy since getting back to Austin a few weeks ago. I've been working on a movie called The Hitcher, just doing wrap accounting stuff. Then I'm gonna do a few weeks on the Tarantino portion of GrindHouse and in between in PIF stuff.
So much to do and so much to cram into such a tight schedule!

Who Does GM Think They're Kidding?

Josh was telling me about this movie "Who Killed the Electric Car" and as I am obsessed with buying a hybrid/electric car (my current choice is the 2005 Toyota Prius, if only I had an extra $20,000 lying around) I decided to spend a little time looking into purely electric vehicles and came across this article. My immediate gut reaction was "You gotta be kidding me!" GM seems to be a little confused about the differences between the general public and those persons who would actually be researching electric/hybrid cars if it thinks it can print this garbage as a defense and have people swallow it hook line and sinker. The point of the program was to test the vehicle out. One would assume that feedback from the testing would then be incorporated into later, mass release ready models. If there was a fundamental flaw in the design, which it seems there was, it still doesn't make sense to destroy the cars. It would have made more sense to sell those cars "as-is" at a loss than to spend additional money in their demolition. Instead of defending itself, GM should just admit it made a mistake and then make a genuine commitment to introducing more fuel efficient/conservative, responsible vehicles ASAP. And no, I don't consider an SUV that gets 30mpg to be an improvement. We should be aiming for 75+ mpg and the development of gasoline alternatives. PS to this, Corn Ethanol is no bueno. It takes more energy to produce than it replaces and creates massive amounts of farm-runoff pollution (from presumed increased corn production).

Sure, there's a lot of attention being drawn to fuel efficient vehicles now that the reality of limited fossil fuel supplies is leaving the 7th grade science textbooks and entering the realm of public knowledge, but actually buying into hybrid/electric technology is sadly not associated with the McDonald's eating, SUV driving, 2.5 child Traditional American Family. Yes, people still love their big cars and have the (mis)conception that electric vehicles have lower performance than their gasoline powered counterparts (although I agree that a strictly charge-and-go vehicle is not a great idea if it has no way of recharging its batteries on the go). This conception is largely fueld by the special interest marketing set forth as truth (aka Commercials and "special news reports" that are really industrial promotions). Most still don't see the need to be more environmentally conscious. They still consider it a personal decision, not an ethical question. You can tell this by reading all of comments posted on various blogs on the subject of green living, hybrid/electric/alternative fuel cars, etc. The Oil industry wants our money guys. The Car industry is in their pocket. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get any better and the only thing we can do is keep educating ourselves so that we can discern between fact and fiction. This is not an issue of personal choice. Developing more environmentally safe transit options is our moral responsibility. To continue to ignore this problem would be a gross excercise in arrogance, and it is shameful we as a society have allowed it to go so far unchecked.

Retail Therapy

Sometimes I feel so unbelievably deprived...for no reason at all. I'm not deprived in the least, I have so many blessings in my life. Somehow I can't convince myself to be satisfied with what I have. For example...this afternoon I just had to buy this $200 rug online. I've been eyeing it for weeks, then it was sold out, then it became available again and I considered it meant to be and bought it even though I'm about to be out of work again after this week and need to save my pennies.
I rationalized that I needed a rug for my house to combat the poor insulation during the upcoming winter months. Of course, winter months are still 6 months away and between now and then its going to be hot as hell, but I just had to have it otherwise I would feel that my house was so shabby, I don't have any nice things, I'm embarrased for people to see it, I won't feel comfortable at home until I improve it a little, etc. To make this even more ridiculous: I've been on location for a job for four months and haven't even been in my home!
Not 20 minutes later I got an email (I'm on the mailing list) from the company offering me a one-time 20% discount on my first purchase. But I'd already made a purchase. Luckily, I called and they graciously offered to retro discount my rug purchase. That's great customer service... I am an instant loyal shopper.
My point is that for some reason (and it may simply be the isolation) I have had an overwhelming feeling of needing to upgrade my life, on many levels, and with an unprecedented sense of urgency.
I want stuff for my house, new clothes, new makeup, new cooking supplies, a Toyota Prius (super high priority), to purchase a home, to pay off my debts (as in right now!), to have a nest egg, to go on trips, to buy my parents extra gifts that they can't afford for themselves (mom needs a new washer/dryer and a Dyson vacuum cleaner, Dad needs a new motor for his boat). Oh, and I need a new dishwasher and an ice maker. I get jazzed about working towards these goals and then get super discouraged when they don't happen (quickly). I can go from focused and firm to desparate and wasteful in the course of a day. Here I am in the middle of nowhere and I've managed to blow almost every cent I've made, and I have very little concept of how that happened. Somehow I'm still completely dissatisfied, but at least I get to go home next week and then maybe some of this will change.
Or maybe I'll just have more stores to burn my urges in.

Man, its so hard to keep up with this thing

I just simply do not have time to work on my blog. Seriously. Maybe next week, but for the last, what, two months(?) I haven't had a moment to spare. But now that I'm off myspace I guess no one will look at this anyway.

By the way, myspace is evil, but golly its fun.
Kinda miss it, so I got a new pet.

Pet Peaves: Phone Calls

When someone calls me and leaves a message, or even if I just see that they are on my caller ID, I call them back. The exception to this is if:
1. I'm going to see them shortly and can talk to them then
2. I know what they're going to ask me about/talk about and I'm not ready to talk to them about it
3. I don't really care to talk to the person at all (eventually I call them back)
It peaves me when I call someone several times and they don't return my phone calls.
It indicates one of the above reasons, and when two of them are ruled out that leaves the third.

Snakes are cool, bikers are not

When in West Texas, please remember to bring your bandannas in many colors, as you wouldn't want to offend the massive numbers of biker gangs who roam the roads and book up all the hotels on the weekends. Dawn exhaust pipe wake up alarm is complimentary.
As soon (that is, if) I figure out why there are so many bikers in this area I'll let you know. I assume it has something to do with the long stretches of open road and the 75 miler per hour speed limits (woohoo, 5 miles faster than ever where else ya'll). At any rate, it seems like a senseless waste of precious fossil fuels to me, so this week Bikers top my list of thoughtless idiots who needlessly pollute our environment for their personal pleasure.
PS, the next person who peels out of the hotel parking lot with their pipes blaring is going to get it...I've formed a precarious alliance with the assasin bunnies to take out the misfits.

How to tread water in the desert

Thank God for the Internet....otherwise how would I spend my days? Working? Pshah! To be honest, things are picking up and I spend only around 80% of my day now passing the time, with things expected to pick up even more as we reach production. But its hard to stay focused when you don't have anything to do. Yesterday myself and some of the girls in the office made South Park Characters...this is one created by Kate Poss depicting me moments after loosing it due to boredom
I'm trying to educate myself a little while I have spare time. I've been reading the leaflet handouts from Josh's producer class at UT. One of the first things it said was a list of important personality traits for a producer:
Patient
Tenacious
Dedicated
Flexible
Calm
Optimistic
Hard-Working
Self-Confident
Generous
Thorough
Detail Oriented
Oh Dear, I thought, I have a lot of work to do, as I possess maybe two of these traits consistently and all of them some of the time, except maybe 'calm'...or 'patient'. What better place to work on these than West Texas, where there's nothing much to do but self improve. I have been a little disappointed with myself for not writing in this blog more often. I think of posts and then forget about them before I have a chance to sit down and write it out. Topics include such far ranging items as politics & religion, immigration reform, mp3 players, gasoline conservation and the economy, living on a budget, and the ideas suggested by the title of this blog which primarily refer to conscientious living or being aware of our place and duties on this earth and within this society.
I figured it out! Often I have to create constructs in order for me to be motivated to complete certain tasks. As I have topics I know I want to write about, I'll create mini posts all at once, and then expand on the posts as I feel like it, finally completing and then posting them.
Now I'm setting a goal of having this initial grouping fleshed out by the end of May. With time to spare perhaps.
While I'm at it, I'd like to set a goal of not checking my email 45 times a day (if not more). I'm up to 7 times already today, and its only 10:22 am.

Megan 2. Bunnies 0

Those damn bunnies. The 2nd attempt on my car was made tonight by a wee crafty bunny disguised as a leaf on the highway. He jumped up just as my car wash approaching but due to my driving in stealth mode (aka less than the speed limit) I was able to narrowly avoid him. Nice try, wee bunny.

Suicide Bunnies

I wouldn't think it was strange if an occasional bunny were to be hit by a car as it crossed the road, but on the drive from the hotel in Alpine to the production office in Marfa I noticed the highway is speckled about every ten to twenty feet with the mangled carcass of a rabbit. Turns out these guys dart out at your car, at all hours of the day, even when you're traveling at slow speeds. I assumed there were so many roadkills left on the highway because there has been no rain to wash them away, but on my first drive home I narrowly avoided killing three rabbits that hurled themselves at my car. I don't know how long my driving record can remain blood-free under these conditions. It seems these bunnies have a death wish.

My First Time

Its my first time to be on location for a job. Well, not really, I once stayed a weekend in Lake Charles for a commercial shoot and I've traveled to Dallas for modeling jobs in the past, but this is the first time I'm away from HQ for a long period of time. Packing up and getting here was such an ordeal. I'm here for four months: I had absolutely no idea how to pack for four months! I felt like I shouldn't try to bring my whole house with me but there are so many things I use every day that I couldn't decide about bringing with me. For example, I didn't bring too many pairs of shoes mostly for space reasons but now that I'm here I wish I had brought a few more pairs. Toiletries were an entirely different dilemma as I used many of the things I needed to take on the morning I left. Even with all my diligence I forgot to bring my hairbrush and comb.

I left my house at 7:38am on Monday the 10th. Got no sleep the night before because the neighbors were throwing me their own kind of going away party, another all nighter. I'll fight that battle when I get back. I got to the freeway and had to turn around because I had forgotten to take out the trash. I tried my best to leave my apartment in such a state that it would be ok if unattended for a long time. I turned off or unplugged everything, even my refridgerator, which I spent the last week emptying of even the last beer can and mustard bottle.
7:40 I make it to the gas station and fill up. Then I realize I've forgotten my cd player. I need this to listen to all of the books on cd my loving boyfriend has sent with me for my long journey.
By 9:00am I'm in Dripping Springs. I'm about an hour behind schedule at this point but I'm also starving so I stop to get some breakfast tacos. I'm feeling really sleepy but there's nowhere to stop and take a nap. The scenery begins to change once I hit I-10 going west and my car starts to dance on the road a little. I find out why when I stop in Sonora at 11:45am to get gas. The wind is blowing so hard I have a very hard time opening my door. I'm definitely in the desert now. Everything is dusty and brown, it doesn't look like spring rains have made their way here yet if they do come at all. On the tops of the sheer rock cliffs that flank the freeway are wind mills.

Actually, I don't think they're called wind mills, but I can't think of what they're called right now. Maybe turbines. There's hundreds of them, and they accompany me all the way to Ft. Stockton, my final fuel up before I leave the safety of the interstate and head south. I'm a little nervous at this point because my transmission has been skipping intermittently as it downshifts from 3rd to 2nd gear. I'm hoping this is because of the windy conditions. At last I reach sunny, parched Alpine TX and my luxurious accomodations at the Sunday House Inn. Thank God there's wifi here. But now, a much needed nap.

Duh. or The Perils of Idealism.

It never ceases to amaze: The world, our world, filled with misery and angst. The classic cliche of the 9 to 5 world. The chance to escape that cliche to do something non-transient, challenging, and sometimes meaningful. This opportunity which I relish.

I'm talking about having a career in the film industry. Yet for some, dare I say most, this is just another job! It strikes me as terribly hard to believe that one would submit oneself to the grueling hours, the insurmountable stressors, and constant clash of different personalities just to earn a paycheck. Certainly, these characteristics are true of many jobs, but they are multiplied exponentially in the film world. And yet the further I get involved with the industry, the more 'big' projects I work on, the more I realize that this is the norm and I am the anomaly.

I would not have myself in any other place and I have struggled to get where I am now and also to go further, yet I wonder if it is as appreciated by those who consider this 'just a job'. Does this set me apart and above? or just make me strange? I had drinks tonight with 3 ladies whom I hold in the highest esteem, and yet I suspect for they care nothing for the project they help create. I can only say that I think I am the better off for caring about the art and the craft, because my satisfaction at the close of a project is multifold: not only have I had a had in a tangible creation, but my wallet is fatter as a result.

Being Impeccable With One's Word

Check out the book The Four Agreements. It is an exploration of ancient Toltec wisdom to help one live a more actualized life. One of the things it proposes is always doing what one says one is going to do. I SO SUCK AT THAT! I'm big on talk but low on walk, even though I try daily to skew the proportion in the opposite direction. So one of the things I had made a promise to do was blog more frequently. I was being prevented from this by not having internet access at my house and not having a job where internet access would have been readily available. Now that I am on a job again, however, I have the capability of fufilling this promise to myself and so I am going to both do so and try and make up for the lost time.
The truth is that I had attempted several times to work up posts at home in word with the intent of copying and pasting them into blogger. I started a couple, which I have included below, but I apologize that they may be incomplete thoughts.

IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING

When did the erosion of human society begin? I don’t really have the time here to analyze the actual progression of events…the point is I’m just sitting in my apartment being pissed off about my neighbors as they blast hip hop bass lines into my cranium. Its 1:40 am. They show no signs of stopping. I’m going to blow a gasket.
Here’s the real crux of the issue: When I moved into this apartment, my first night spent here was interrupted by very loud tejano music and a rowdy party going on next door. Though I repeatedly asked them to turn down the music, they did not, and I spent my first night wide awake. Those neighbors moved out but were quickly replaced by a young couple who spent 98% of their evenings throwing loud parties complete with music, yelling, beer bottle throwing, and barking dogs. This would go on from around 10 or 11 pm every night and continue ALL night until the next morning when I would be getting up for work. I also asked them to stop repeatedly and ultimately had to write a cease and desist letter and inform the landlord of the situation. A few days later they were arrested for firing a weapon and possession of drugs. So now they’re gone and I have new neighbors who are keeping me up. Joy.
So my question is: at what point did it become acceptable in our society to stay up until all hours, yelling, listening to loud music, etc.? I could go and speak to them, but I shouldn’t have to do that. Also, they’re a little scary, and I’m afraid to go bust up their fun. The first time I had an experience like this was when I moved into my first apartment when I was 17. My upstairs neighbor was a frat guy who had parties several times a week. They were so disruptive and I didn’t know what to do, so I called in a noise complaint to the police and they came out to bust up the party. The next morning the guy had keyed my car, and of course I had no way to prove this so I just had to suck it up and keep my mouth shut. I guess it would be different if I didn’t live alone, but as it is, I feel the need to be careful about who I piss off.
My firm belief is that it should be written into every rental agreement, whether it be an apartment or a house or a trailer, whatever: If you are loud enough that your neighbor can hear you and you repeatedly invade their sanctum with your loudness, you should be evicted onto the cold, hard pavement. No exceptions.
Don’t get me wrong, I have an occasional gathering at my home, but I take the necessary steps to ensure I don’t bother my neighbors. First, I make sure the neighbors know that I plan on having people over. By making this precaution I make it easier for them to approach me to tell me to take it down a notch if necessary. Second, I don’t play loud music. It doesn’t need to be at nightclub levels for people to hear it, and music should not be at a level requiring shouting above it to be heard. Last of all, I try to have gatherings on weekend nights and to get everyone out by a reasonable hour.
Okay, so as I type the noise is escalating because a guy and a girl are having an altercation, and she just slapped him…audibly. So at this point I’m definitely not going over there.
Of course, these environments lend themselves to altercations. I wonder sometimes if I’m really just missing out on all the ‘fun’ everyone else seems to be having. I mean, I don’t listen to music until the wee hours, have yelling matches with my friends or boyfriend, or play horseshoes with the trashcan and beer bottles. Yet my life is good and stable and relatively happy, so maybe I’m actually on to something. Quick, alert the friggin media, I’ve discovered the secret to success in life: Don’t act like degenerates and piss off people around you. Go to bed early, live a relatively quiet existence, and if you feel the need to break it down, go to a nightclub or social spot, hell, even a bingo parlor. Above all, keep your home a sanctum. A place of peace and security. Be mindful of others and shut the hell up.
I live in a relatively poor area of town. The houses are a little run down to begin with, but mostly it’s the people who live here that make this area mildly unbearable. Their lives seem so empty and they’ve ceased to care about not tearing the fabric that cloaks the ugly truth of life. They leave trash in the yard, tape up broken windows instead of replacing them, pave yards and chop down trees instead of cultivating them. The streets resemble their souls. My generation is a generation that was raised in environments like this (hey, obviously I wasn’t, but I knew plenty of kids who grew up in shanty houses or trailers with rusting paneling). To them, the lines between acceptable and substandard have moved or blurred. They have no precedence of decency. It’s a tragedy, the tragedy that will ultimately be the downfall of our nation and society.
For fucks sake people, just go to bed! Shut up!

AND

January 6-7, 2006 - My Kingdom for a Cheeseburger – Fasting Days One and Two

7 Days Smoke Free – So far, so good. I am on the second day of my fast and the hunger has not hit me too hard. There have been a few times when I have reached into the refrigerator for my lemonade or into the pantry for my cleanse tea and glimpsed all the food inside and felt my mouth water. I pre-empted this temptation by putting both of my cleansing things right in front, so that I could reach in and grab them and shut the door quickly. This also prevents me from gazing into the pantry or fridge, looking for something to eat, without having the evidence of my fast stare me directly in the face.

Today was not as productive as I would have liked it to be. Both yesterday and today I gave into the temptation of sleeping in (I suspect this is also why thus far the no eating thing has seemed easy as I’ve been asleep). I have managed to clean the kitchen/dishes, do laundry, sweep my bedroom floor, unpack a few boxes from the recently vacated office, make two extra gallons of my lemonade, and make one trip to the grocery store for last minute supplies (that was a tough one). I also scrubbed out my bathtub so that later I can have a nice luxurious soak and spend some quality me time. Other than that have spent a lot of time playing with Mr. Cary who is very happy for all the attention, planted a poinsettia left over from Christmas outside (I doubt it will survive the cold), and read some magazines.

For my last meal on Thursday night, my boyfriend and I had pizza in a cup. If you’ve ever seen the Steve Martin Movie, The Jerk you’ll know what I’m talking about. The Alamo Drafthouse downtown was having a screening of the movie in honor of it’s re-release and were serving this dish, but my honey had to work so we couldn’t make it. So I went and rented the DVD. Now, Pizza in a Cup is a made up dish, but I figured somebody out there had made up a recipe for it and posted it online somewhere. I tried to find a recipe for it online but there were none. Really surprising! I did find one guy who had attempted to make it and he listed his various recipes but he said they were not successful. His ideas were basically pizza sauce/cheese with different kinds of pasta (angel hair and gnocchi). This sounded really wrong to me, so I tried the following:

1 can pizza sauce
8 oz mozzarella cheese, crumbled
1 frozen pizza, cooked and cooled

Combine the pizza sauce and the cheese in a glass casserole dish and bake uncovered at 425 degrees for approx 30 minutes or until cheese is melted and bubbly and begins to brown a bit. Cut the pizza into bite size pieces. Assemble the pizza in a cup by layering the pieces with the sauce/cheese mixture in a large paper or Styrofoam cup (the wider the better, think the cups ramen noodles come in). Top with a sprinkle of parmesan cheese. Serve immediately, or the pizza crust will get soggy. This serves two people with a little bit left over. You can adjust the amount of cheese you use, but I used a whole brick of mozzarella, and it was too much. I also think you could add regular pizza toppings into the sauce mix when you cook it, or begin with a pizza that already has toppings. To accompany it, we had salad in a cup. To make it a full meal you could also have pretty much any dessert in a cup.
Okay, I have to stop now because this is making me really hungry.

January 8, 2006 – An Ocean in My Belly

8 Days smoke free. My boyfriend, Joshua, asked me about that last night. He says, “8 days smoke free of how many?”
“Ad Infinitum,” I tell him. And then he chuckled at me. I think he doubts my resolve. In fact I know he doubts my resolve. Coming from the perspective of someone who has never smoked, I don’t think he’s in a position to judge. Indeed, I’ve been saying I’ve Quit Smoking for the past six months without it being really true, but I have been trying.

I’ve been a smoker for 10 years and it is such a part of my self-image and personality. I’ve used it as a means for overcoming shyness in crowds and stress when I have no control over the situation. I’m sure non-smokers read these reasons, a few among many, and automatically dismiss them as unworthy reasons to poison one’s body. But smokers will look at these reasons and completely empathize.

Today is the first day I’ve tried the salt water internal bath part of the Master Cleanse. I’m about halfway through a quart of water mixed with 2 teaspoons of sea salt. Needless to say it is not D-lish. I keep imagining that it is chicken noodle soup without the noodles or chicken. Its about the same saltiness. I’m having a really tough time choking it back. Apparently, this is the equivalent of hooking a water hose up to your mouth and letting it run through your body. The salt in the water keeps your body from absorbing the water and instead it just goes straight through. Hmm, we’ll see. I’ll try anything once, usually.

This fast has so far been so different than my last attempt as I haven’t been nearly as hungry. I don’t know if I was just more prepared this time or if its because I’m including the teas (peppermint, Yogi Fasting, and cleansing) which I didn’t use last time. Seven more days to go, and I know I’m going to get sick to death of lemonade. But maybe the salt water thing will get easier.


So a quick update: I still occasionally smoke and I only made it 7 days on the fast (close enough to 10 I say). So, again, I obviously need to work on my impeccability of word.

Going Away Party

I've had a bit to drink in this picture. I had a going away party on Friday night at Opel Divine's. It was a last minute sort of thing as I only knew on Wednesday of last week that I would be leaving for West Texas today, Monday the 10th, for a four month job. My sweet boyfriend came and my friends and it was a lot of fun to see everyone and catch up before I left. 

Try Try Again

What I was saying that got erased was how annoyed I was at Grande Communications refusing to install internet service at my apartment (and even hanging up on me!) because my address was not eligible for their services. Read:Time Warner/Roadrunner has the monopoly on my house. I find out its because my neighbor had cable activated before I had a chance to get Grande. Now, Time Warner internet access is something like $40 per month and Grande is half that so I'm not really in the market to spend twice as much money as necessary on something I would definitely use but is not that necessary. Plus I just blew all my slush funds on a gym membership. After two weeks I've gained two pounds. Way to go genius.

I have a problem with this website.

I have tried to post a few times since the last post and I'll get 3 or 4 paragraphs in to what I want to say and when I try to spell check or post the whole thing gets erased. So, you see, its not so much that I haven't been updating my blog as my blog has been resisting change.

All Good Things Come to an End

Today is my last day on the job. The show is over, we're packing everything up and shipping it off to post in L.A. and we're all unemployed again.It's been a really interesting year for me. I always said that if I wasn't working and making a living in the movie industry by the time I was 25, I would give it up and get a straight job. Well, I turn 26 on the 31st of January, so I guess I made it happen. Granted, I did expect to be in front of the camera when I was younger, but I can truly say that I enjoy being behind the camera more. (And I especially enjoy being in the office, far away from the hot, dusty set with no real toilet).

Its really fortunate that this coincides with the beginning of the new year. During my unemployment I am going to do many things I've been putting off for the past 6 months. My friend Shannon and I are going to have a large garage sale, giving me the opportunity to get rid of all of the things that never really found a place when I moved into my new apartment in September. I'm going to work on some disputes I have with various corporations hell bent on screwing me, the 'unwitting' consumer. Ha, they really messed with the wrong lady.

I'm most excited about doing the Master Cleanse, a fasting diet that's been around since the 70's (or earlier, I'm not really sure). I'll start tonight by drinking the cleansing tea and then for the next ten days I consume only lemonade made with lemon juice, maple syrup, and a dash of cayenne pepper. This thing is really amazing and it really works magic on your health. The book by Stanley Burroughs(?) is kinda kooky, new agey crud but just read the main instructions and don't cheat by eating anything. Oh, and don't watch TV! This really has nothing to do with the cleanse, but the last time I did it (the cleanse) I watched a lot of TV and every single fast food/pizza commercial that came on slew me with hunger pangs. The first three days are the hardest, but I've psyched myself up and I'm ready. Some of the things I noticed the first time were:
My skin cleared up-I don't really have acne, but I get hormone pimples around my jaw line and
hair line, and all of these went away. My skin also felt more hydrated.
I felt very clear headed and focused-probably because the caffeine I consume by the bucket
started to course out of my body and my brain started working 'normily' without stimulants.
My armpits stopped stinking-I know, its really gross, but again, the amount of coffee I consume
gives my lymph nodes in my right armpit a run for their money, and even with deoderant I
always have a weird smell there. This dissappeared around the end of the 2nd day during my last fast.

So, I suspect by following the full ten day regimen, I will see more and better results than these listed above.

Other than that, I'm just going to take it easy and hope for the next movie to come along soon. I like having time off, but over the last two years I've been unemployed a couple of times and have never really 'caught up'. At this point in my life I'd like to be investing in my future...buying a house, setting up a retirment fund, building a career. Mostly I'm interested in learning more about retirement. I know I'm only 26 (almost), but everything I read says you should already be investing by the time you're 25, approximately $3000/yr, in order to retire and support yourself on your earnings. Oh, and I've given up smoking, which is a good investment in the future. I've been smoking since I was fifteen and I've been trying to quit since August. I've managed to go several days at a time without a smoke, but every time I get around my friends who smoke, I REALLY want one too. I just realized I should track how many days I go without a smoke (forever, right?) so as of today it is: Day 5 Smoke Free.

Voice Lessons

My whole life I've been told I have an awful tone of voice. People criticize me for sounding critical, sarcastic, or condescending, even when this is farthest from my intent. SO...what exactly am I supposed to do about this? I cannot cease speaking and I cannot pinpoint the particular sound I make that makes people react negatively to my voice, so I cannot 'work' on or fix it.

I suspect the real reason is two-fold:
1. I live in Central Texas, where practically everyone has a soft, almost lazy articulation, and
2. I use full grammar and use a larger variety of words than most.
Oh, and maybe
3. I respond to things very quickly, seemingly without thinking or considering my words. This is often misconstrued as being 'snippy'.

Usually when someone calls me out on my tone of voice, it really does make me angry. Primarily because I find it very rude to criticize someone else for their tone of voice. I would not do it to someone else and I would be open to constructive criticism but I'm not really interested in someone pettily carping that I don't phrase or say something exactly the way they would. I also get really irritated when my 'tone' of voice is merited and people say I'm being too harsh.

There are more important things in life folks, and I would say "mind your own business, please," but I wouldn't want to offend anyone.