Retail Therapy

Sometimes I feel so unbelievably deprived...for no reason at all. I'm not deprived in the least, I have so many blessings in my life. Somehow I can't convince myself to be satisfied with what I have. For example...this afternoon I just had to buy this $200 rug online. I've been eyeing it for weeks, then it was sold out, then it became available again and I considered it meant to be and bought it even though I'm about to be out of work again after this week and need to save my pennies.
I rationalized that I needed a rug for my house to combat the poor insulation during the upcoming winter months. Of course, winter months are still 6 months away and between now and then its going to be hot as hell, but I just had to have it otherwise I would feel that my house was so shabby, I don't have any nice things, I'm embarrased for people to see it, I won't feel comfortable at home until I improve it a little, etc. To make this even more ridiculous: I've been on location for a job for four months and haven't even been in my home!
Not 20 minutes later I got an email (I'm on the mailing list) from the company offering me a one-time 20% discount on my first purchase. But I'd already made a purchase. Luckily, I called and they graciously offered to retro discount my rug purchase. That's great customer service... I am an instant loyal shopper.
My point is that for some reason (and it may simply be the isolation) I have had an overwhelming feeling of needing to upgrade my life, on many levels, and with an unprecedented sense of urgency.
I want stuff for my house, new clothes, new makeup, new cooking supplies, a Toyota Prius (super high priority), to purchase a home, to pay off my debts (as in right now!), to have a nest egg, to go on trips, to buy my parents extra gifts that they can't afford for themselves (mom needs a new washer/dryer and a Dyson vacuum cleaner, Dad needs a new motor for his boat). Oh, and I need a new dishwasher and an ice maker. I get jazzed about working towards these goals and then get super discouraged when they don't happen (quickly). I can go from focused and firm to desparate and wasteful in the course of a day. Here I am in the middle of nowhere and I've managed to blow almost every cent I've made, and I have very little concept of how that happened. Somehow I'm still completely dissatisfied, but at least I get to go home next week and then maybe some of this will change.
Or maybe I'll just have more stores to burn my urges in.